On Mardel...from Special K

"You know what I hate about Mardel. All the virgins. Old virgins make me nervous." -- Special K

(Just for the record, this is why the Drummer hates Mardel.)

Stupid Me

Bless me reader for I have sinned.

Here, in no particular order, is a short list of the stupidest things I currently do.

1. Watch AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

2. Forget to recycle

3. Play text twist on Facebook when I have e-mails to return

4. Read the occasional best-selling teen vampire novel

5. Worry about which pants make me butt look less big

6. Gossip

7. Wallow

8. Check out the "Entertainment" stories before the "Politics" stories on cnn.com

9. Eat foods containing high fructose corn syrup

10. Not be light and salt

The Scariest Story this Halloween

Hey kids! Do you like scary stories?

Forget ghosts and goblins! Forget Frankenstein's monster and Count Dracula! CNN is carrying the scariest freakin' story this Halloween:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/10/31/christian.scientology/index.html

If you are unfamiliar with this, please check out http://www.twth.org/. Not for too long, though. Please.

I think the most terrifying line from that CNN article is "Now Kennedy uses 'The Way to Happiness' as a how-to supplement to his sermons. He believes it is easier to understand and clearer to follow than ancient Scriptures taken from the Bible."

WTF Pastor Kennedy? On this Reformation Day I have to point out that it's the job of well-educated preachers to put the Scripture in people's hands and teach them the difference between law and Gospel. The church should encourage people in a community of faith and help them illuminate Scripture with the aid of history, sacred tradition, and the Holy Spirit.

Most things are easier to follow than ancient Scripture! Is that suddenly a good measure of the theological worthiness of a text? Dr. Phil is pretty damn clear, should we just use his books?

Hell, no! To paraphrase Pastor Luther: Word Alone. Faith Alone. Grace Alone. No L. Ron Hubbard at all.

Hey! I have an idea! You want The Way to Happiness? Try this ancient text:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."


AMEN

Meet the Candidates, Part 1

There has been some voting in the favorite hymn poll, but not as much as I'd expected. Is it possible that some of you just don't really know the candidates? Let me try to fix that with a few postings. Here is the first offering:

Meet "This is My Father's World"-- a candidate for the Green party of hymns and a really lovely American romantic poem.

This is my Father's world,
and to my listening ears
all nature sings, and round me rings
the music of the spheres.
This is my Father's world:
I rest me in the thought
of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
his hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father's world,
the birds their carols raise,
the morning light, the lily white,
declare their maker's praise.
This is my Father's world:
he shines in all that's fair;
in the rustling grass I hear him pass;
he speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father's world.
O let me ne'er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father's world:
why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let the earth be glad!

It was written by a minister named Maltbie Babcock (there's a name for you!) and is said to have been inspired by his long runs through the countryside near Niagara Falls, New York. The story told of Rev. Babcock is that he would head out for his daily four-mile run by telling his secretary he was off to see his Father's world.

Be glad!

Jesus and the Zombies

A couple of weeks ago, something funny happened at church. I can't get it out of my mind.

A little baby was being baptized (yes, that's right my Baptist and C of C friends, we do infant baptism!) and as part of the ceremony the congregatoin was declaring our communal faith with the Apostles creed. We say a creed every Sunday (again, shudders from some corners, I know!) but this time it has been written out in a different format in the worship bulletin in order to accomodate the ceremony.

But there was a typo.

It ought to have read:
"On the third day he rose again; he ascended into heaven, he is seated at the right hand of the Father,and he will come to judge the living and the dead."

But instead was written:
"On the third day he rose again;he ascended into heaven,he is seated at the right hand of the Father,and he will come to judge the living dead."

And everyone said it! I mean, we all know the creed. We could see that there was a problem. But because it was written in the bulletin, everyone just said it. Me included! "The living dead." And to be polite, no one even laughed out loud.

I have to say that it scared me. I don't know how to feel about our communal willingness to declare incorrect words in the creed. I mean, what if one Sunday our worship bulletin ended the Apostles creed with with the words:

"I believe in the Holy Spirit,the holy catholic Church,the communion of saints,the forgiveness of sins,the resurrection of the body, the unquestioned diety of our pastor Paul, the principle of plural marriage, the godhead of Shiva, and purple Kool Aid. Amen. "

Would we say it? I couldn't help but wonder if the typo was some kind of test!

Is it bad that I'm kind of tickled at the mental image of Jesus judging a horde of the living dead? Do you suppose zombies even pay attention to the Lord of lords? They wouldn't try to eat His brains would they?! I think not--I mean, its Jesus after all. But I have to admit I don't know much about the subject. I don't watch a lot of zombie movies.

But none of this is what I've really been mulling over since the typo in our church bulletin.

In spoken language we call a mistake that reveals a hidden truth a "Freudian slip." I don't know what to call it when its written...but I sure do smell a hidden truth in this.

Because in the end, Jesus will indeed judge the living dead. He will take a good hard look at the zombies. Zombies are those people who walk through a half life, a life chained to fear and insecurity. A life of vain self-interest and trivial preoccupations. A life centered around things other than the Light.

In other words, the Living Dead aren't brain-eating movie zombies. They're much scarier. They're us.

Apart from God there is only the zombie walk of the living dead. But in Christ we have met the Way to be more than the living dead. Jesus shouts our name and calls us out of zombie life and into a fantastic eternal dance. His death kills the zombies and His resurrection creates something entirely new.

The moral of this lesson: Jesus slays zombies.

Amen.