On Mardel...from Special K

"You know what I hate about Mardel. All the virgins. Old virgins make me nervous." -- Special K

(Just for the record, this is why the Drummer hates Mardel.)

A Bucket List

No, this is not a list of things I want to do before I kick the bucket. This is a list things that belong in a bucket. Of crap.

I have posted here in the past about the Enemy and the Preoccupations he sends to distract us from Real Life. The Enemy, of course, is STUPIDITY. And the Dada Drummer is a prophet of Anti-Stupidity. Why? 1) My mitochondria are especially stupid-sensitive and I tingle all over when I encounter dumbnesses and 2) I was called by God. Or my Dog. Not sure who was talking.

I have noticed my Dada-senses tingling at a high rate lately so I need to speak out against flagrant Stupidity around me.

10 Really Stupid Things (in no particular order):

Vince's Slap Chop
The "Issue" of Obama's Fake Birth Certificate
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Quiznos
The "Issue" of Pro-Euthanasia Death Panels killing Grandma
Jon Gosslin
Kate Gosslin
Preachers of "Prosperity Gospel"
Wife Swap
Fried Macaroni and Cheese

Is that clear? Good.

I feel a lot better.

Stupid Me

Bless me reader for I have sinned.

Here, in no particular order, is a short list of the stupidest things I currently do.

1. Watch AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

2. Forget to recycle

3. Play text twist on Facebook when I have e-mails to return

4. Read the occasional best-selling teen vampire novel

5. Worry about which pants make me butt look less big

6. Gossip

7. Wallow

8. Check out the "Entertainment" stories before the "Politics" stories on cnn.com

9. Eat foods containing high fructose corn syrup

10. Not be light and salt

Bad Advice on the Internet

The internet is just chock full of people with advice and opinions about baby names. In some cases those opinions are coming from refreshing and enlightened minds (see e.g. "The Dada Drummer"). Most of the time, however, these people are just idiots. I call your attention to this gem of a list from a site called "Mom Recommended." Three names on this list are acceptable. Two are marginal. The rest should be burned.

"Creative Spelling and Unique Baby Boy Names"

"Many parents are looking for a creative way to spell their favorite baby name or a unique name for their baby that will help them stand out as an individual. Our list includes both unique names and popular names with a spelling twist."

Anderson
Andon
Andrue
Arland
Ayden
Avian
Bennett
Bergen
Braeden
Bradyn
Brayden
Braxton
Braylen
Braylon
Brenton
Brock
Cabe
Caiden
Cayden
Dereck
Cadine
Caiden
Camrin
Cayden
Colson
Coy
Devlyn
Dustyn
Ellis
Ethyn
Eyzik
Gerrit
Giordano
Jarrett
Jaxx
Jaydin
Jaydon
Jerald
Jerik
Justis
Kaden
Kaiden
Kameren
Karsten
Kefir
Keltyn
Khaner
Kolten
Korbin
Kyler
Martini
Maxemillian
Mazelin
Phenix
Pierson
Raifton
Rian
Ryon
Sanders
Storm
Torin
Trennen
Treyton
Treux
Trystan
Tymbur
Xander
Zacharie
Zackary
Zander"

Your Kid's Name

Let's just be honest here. You put that soccer/softball/baseball/orchestra/dance team sticker on the back of your car for one reason. To show off the groovy name you picked for your kid. It's the same reason you embroidered it on that diaper bag, made a huge wooden sign of it for his/her bedroom, and it's the reason you love to call it out (both first and middle names) in front of other parents. You're proud of your creative writing and want to be sure everyone knows your brilliance. Including that totally unique spelling your found.

Well, good for you.

But by putting your creative writing out there, you're really just asking for someone to offer back some literary criticism. And I'm just the Drummer for that job!

The Prize for the Most Egregious Name Recently Seen on a "kid pride" Sticker on the Back of an SUV:
WORTH

The Prize for the Most Precious/Trendee Name Heard Called Repeatedly in front of Little League Parents:
SUTTON GRACE

The Prize for Most Ridiculous Spelling Seen on on a "kid pride" Sticker on the Back of an SUV:
RYON

Just Plain Annoying Name that I Need To Share:
KELTYN

Preoccupations of The Enemy

You know how certain Fundamentalists refer to the devil as The Enemy in a sort of "He Who Must Not Be Named" way? While the Dada Drummer is no fan of the dark lord--Lucifer not Valdemort that is--this posting is about a different Enemy. Yes. You guessed it. Stupidity.

Stupidity wants you to be consumed with pointless preoccupations. Stupidity wants you to care about Lindsay Lohan's career. Stupidity wants to eat your soul.

This Enemy has many dark tools, among them People Magazine, Entertainment Tonight, MTV, and Yahoo News. These are the pulpits of Stupid Preoccupations.

Examples? Oh, I have examples:

"Brad says he and Angelina ready for baby #5!"
"Zoo sells guerrilla's art on e-bay!"
"Fall fashions to be more tailored, boy-inspired!"
"Britney was bad at VMAs, yes, but fat?"
"David Letterman is finally on Oprah!"
"Star Jones leaves The View!"
"Rosie O'Donnell joins The View!"
"Rosie O'Donnell pisses of The View!"
"Rosie O'Donnell leaves The View!"
"Whoopie Goldberg joins The View!"
"Steve Jobs apologizes for I-phone price cut!"
"California carpenter OK'd by Judge to work in the nude!"

Gentle readers--these are not current events. They are not social issues. They are not news.

Their appearance on a media outlet is illustrative of the need to fill programming hours. It is not an sign of importance.

I don't want you listening to or watching this crap. Change the channel. Turn off the radio. Burn that US Weekly magazine and, for heaven's sake, cancel your subscription.

Because every time you worry if Jennifer Aniston misses Brad Pitt or wonder if K-Fed is taking good care of those two boys, the Enemy has already won.

It's a Stupid Thing!

You know how Martha Stewart points out simple pleasures and elegant solutions, and then slyly smiles at her tv viewing public and tells us, "It's a good thing."

This is kind of like that. Only not.

These are small things which may seem insignificant but which are stupid and, when accumulated, can lead to Evil.

So if you recognize your life anywhere on this list, take heed. And stop.

*reading the LEFT BEHIND series
*walking your dog in a doggy stroller
*putting on make up while driving a car
*not voting in presidential elections
*believieng in raw food only dog diets
*owning a Hummer
* wearing your telephone as an earpiece
*eating Spam
* putting on make up while driving your Hummer
*believing in raw food only human diets
*eating Wonder Bread
*chewing gum while taking communion at church
*trusting Fox news
*watching The Bachelor
*drinking soda with breakfast
*reading the LEFT BEHIND series while driving your Hummer