We Have a Winner!

Results are in on the Ridiculous New Baby Names poll! The big winners were--
Algebra
Badger
Element
Trucker

If we combine the "best" of these with the winners of our Offensive Baby Name poll from last week, we can create some real special new monikers. For example,

GIRLS
Algebra Eighmee
Jordyn Element
Emmaleigh Panda

BOYS
Badger Jaxxon
Trucker Oakleigh
Kentucky Jagger

This is some good work, people. Thanks for your efforts.

Now on to the mission field. You need to start trying to pass these off as legitimate names. Don't do it to real people you know, for goodness sake. The Dada Drummer doesn't advocate terrorism. I'm thinking more along the lines of some well placed on-line postings. Go!

Dada!

Have you heard? I'm opening at the Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art!

http://www.moma.org/exhibitions/2006/dada/index_f.html

You're all invited!

Book Banning!

The American Libraries Association has designated next week as Banned Books Week!

In fact, "banned" books in the US today actually mans "challenged" books. That is, books that some right thinking citizen felt were so offensive, dangerous, and/or evil that they ought to be removed from libraries. You know, to protect the kids.

Well, I say good for them! Someone's got to have standards.

So I've decided I'm PRO book banning!

And to celebrate banned books week, I have come up with a short list of books I would like to see banned:

Titanic: James Cameron’s Illustrated Screenplay by James Cameron
Left Behind Series by Tim F. LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Your Best Life Now! by Joel Osteen
The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Shamoon and Fein
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
Godless: The Church of Liberalism by Ann Coulter
God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything by Christopher Hitchens
See I Told You So by Rush Limbaugh


It's not much, I know, but its a start. Feel free to suggest other bannable titles. Maybe we can get together and have a bbq.

A Martyr's Work is Never Done

To those two or three people out there who have checked this blog in the last week, I apologize for returing your kind interest with my silence. I have been busy slaying dragons--tiring work and rather messy.

But I have encountered several names since we last spoke. Special thanks, by the way, to the reader who called me (don't ask how) to report the sighting of a badly spelled name. It was Kodi. For a girl. Sigh.

Here are the two most notable name discoveries:

CANADA
No. It's not what you think. This is a baby name. The Dada Drummer heard from a neighbor of the impending arrival in her family of a new baby who will be named, that's right, Canada. It's a boy, if that matters. This choice, based I am told on the fact that little Canada's grandfather was born in the North Country, is participating in a baby trend of place names. Nursery school rosters around the USA include names like Boston, Paris, Brooklyn, China, Africa, Indiana, and Montana.

Considering the popularity of this trend and the apparent no-holds-barred attitude of Canada's parents, I would like to put forth some suggestions:
Cleveland
Texas
Tupelo
Juneau
Iowa

What do you think? I hesitate even to make jokes like this. They're probably on someone's short list somewhere.

FOX
The Dada Drummer knows a very nice young man who revealed the shocking information that his newly-born nephew has been named Fox. It's a memorable name, and has lots of character to be sure, but it strikes me as a lot to live up to. How can you be an insignificant Fox? Or a shy Fox? Or a geeky Fox? I hope Fox is a magnetic man when he grows up. And I hope he's not a redhead.

This name, inspired by the hero in X Files, is of the same trend as other "noun" baby names. Like Apple. I have some names that might be on the cutting edge of this fad:
Goose
Circle
Dove
Panda
Lemon
Again, I worry that these might sound reasonable to some parents. Do you think its possible?

I have an idea, readers! Let's conduct a social experiment. I am going to visit the offensive baby naming forum which I've told you about and offer these names for discussion as if I plan to use them. We can see what response they get and, even more significantly, we can all try to see if they begin to show up on actual babies. You read it here first! If Tupelo, Circle, or Panda catch on it's all due to the FOXY actions of your Dada Drummer!

Baby Naming Forum

Gentle Readers,

The Dada Drummer is in danger of being tarred and feathered in another on-line community. I fear that the good people at the Baby Names Hold forum are not going to suffer my posts for too long.

Here's the latest.

What do you think of these name combos:
Milana Violet Pearl
OR
Scarlett Eden Primrose

I think they sound like totally fake soap opera characters. Or, even worse, like ridiculous romance novel names. Baby naming doesn't have to be about you showing how cute or artistic you can be. "Unique" naming does not make your child a happier, more well-adjusted, or more successful human being. Good parenting does that. Being overly precious in your baby name choice just makes YOU feel special. It's selfish. Give the child a break. Let them be a person. Give them a solid name rather than your outdated creative writing project.


What do you think? Is it too much? I had written a much harsher comment originally but edited it before posting because, well, I didn't want to make Jesus sad. I really like Him.

From the Mouth of Babes

A little eight-year old boy I know got on the subject of Sesame Street's Elmo during a conversation we had today.

"I don't understand," said the curious boy. "Why does Elmo always speak in the third person? Is so that little kids will understand? It's a bad idea really. Because it teaches all the wrong things."

Correct grammar terminology and social criticism all rolled up into one sage observation! The Dada Drummer has never been prouder.

Hell is Other People's Bad Baby Names

Oh. Dear. The Dada Drummer discovered an on-line forum for people who want to discuss the unusual spellings they're thinking of/have used for their babies. This made the Dada Drummer's blood pressure go up. Below you can see some gems from the forum along with my useful responses.

“Cute”

My son just named his baby girl Peytonn. It's cute with two N's.

No. It’s not. It’s stupid. With two N’s.

“MY SONS UNIQUE NAME”

LOVED THE SPELLING OF THE WELSH NAME RHIAIN, BUT WHEN I HAD A BOY I DECIDED TO ALTER THE SPELLING, HIS NAME IS RHIAN, WITH A SLASH OVER THE 'A'.ITS PRONOUNCED- 'RE-ON'. EVERYONE COMMENTS ON IT AND LOVES IT. ITS A WELSH/IRISH NAME.

Whạt t-he h’ell are yoứ talKing ạbo/ut?

“Cute Baby Names”
I want to name my kids Brayden / Braedyn / and Brylee/Brileigh / Bryleigh / So many ways to spell them.

That's what you want to do. Interesting. Well, I want to smack you for having rotten taste in baby names. But I’m going to refrain. Why don’t you do the same?

“help with boy name”
We have 2 names for a boy picked out but are unsure of how to spell them.
Rese/Reese Benjamin
Rhen/Wren Robert
For a girl we have Bryn Elainna picked out.

You don’t spell them either way. Because you don’t use them. Because they’re stupid.

“is this too long of a name?”
I love the name Emiliana, which is long enough as it is, but I like it spelled as Emmaleighyanna, too long?

Oh, sweet heavenly Jesus, yes.