My coolness

Good news. My coolness just went up a couple of degrees. It's been a while since I had any coolness transfusions and I was really overdue. I was starting to complain about the damn music being too loud. It's a bad sign.

So I bought myself some groovy handheld technology. I feel much better!

This name is SOoooo Bad!

The Dada Drummer has been swamped with boring non-Drumming work in recent days, a ridiculous busyness made painfully manifest in my blog silence.

Only one power in the world could awaken the ire of the Dada Drummer enough to break the too-much-work spell. Only one thing could force me from my bed and much-needed sleep at 6am on a Friday to sit behind this stupid keyboard. . . A REALLY FREAKIN' AWFUL NAME!

Ready for it?

BRONX MOWGLI

AAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGGG!

Jessica Simpson's baby sister Ashlee (no, seriously, she's a baby) just had a baby boy. She and her teen boy lover have fouled this new creation of Almighty God with what I'm prepared to call the WORST NAME EVER.

First name BRONX...because Brooklyn is too popular and girlie I suppose...and the middle name MOWGLI....as in the JUNGLE BOOK character raised by freakin' wolves!!!

Oh. My. Dada.

We have reached a new low as a culture. Crap! And just when the elections had buoyed my optimism about our progress as a nation, this happens.

As Special K would say, "Mother Puss Bucket!" Now I'm REALLY depressed!

Baby Name News!

It's like Christmas has come early!! My favorite baby name experts Pamela Redmond Satran and Linda Rosenkrantz have a new website!!!

It's AWESOME. Check it out!! Go now!! It's called NAMEBERRY!

http://nameberry.com/

Check out the great blog, and search your favorite names to hear some great commentary. My favorite feature of their books has always been the brilliant lists. Rather than just offering an alphabetical listing of names with their meanings, Savran and Rosenkrantz group names by their style, tone, popularity, or reputation.

One of the most fun new lists is the Coolator. It gives Uncool, Cool, and Cooler versions of a variety of common names. For example: Avis, Ava, Avery. The Exoticizer works similarly: as in Andrew, Andre, Andreas. The Dada Drummer generally disapproves of the "cooler" and "exotic-er" names (ie Stephanie, Stella, Story AND Sarah, Zara, Zahara) but enjoys the lists nonetheless!

Use these tools, reade! There is no excuse for rotten baby name choices now!

Words of the Week

And the award for the BEST PHRASE I have heard this week goes to....

PIE CRACKERS

Isn't that the most amazing set of syllables! It sounds like a yummy treat, a white rap group, and an exclamation all at the same time. Let's use it in a sentence, shall we?

"Holy Pie Crackers! I can't believe you ate all the pie crackers while listening to that awful new Pie Crackers song."

It totally works!!

Thanks Lolly (and Lundy!!) for that new addition to my vocabulary. It makes me very giddy!

The Dada Drummer is an Ace of Cakes

That's right. I can TOTALLY decorate cakes. I learned it from TV, the shiny box in my living room that also taught me to build a chopper, design high fashion, decorate rooms, train dogs, sell antiques, style hair, and race around the world. Thank you, TV!

But back to my cake decorating skills. Which are awesome.

My best friend Special K just had a birthday. I don't want to be indiscreet by revealing his age, but I can tell you that his party theme was "42". That's the name of a super fun domino game that old men play in Texas. Old men, plus the Dada Drummer's friends.

In the game 42 (did I mention it's super fun?) each player pulls seven dominoes. So for Special K's birthday, I made seven domino cakes.

The dots are mini-oreos and the lines are squares of hershey bar. I'm SUCH a sugar artist!

And, just for the record, I gave him a REALLY GOOD hand of dominoes! Happy Birthday, Special K!

T-Shirt Awesomeness

Oh. My. Lost.

Someone buy me this. Now.

Name that Alumni!

The alumni magazine for a Green and Gold university in my neighborhood came to my mailbox today. The Dada Drummer is interested in only one section of such publications: baby announcements. Sometimes there are acceptable names in the list. Usually they offend. Here are some choice selections from the recent issue...

Good:
Audrey
Gracie
Elijah

Bad:
Corbin
Brendon
Makaylee
Harper Reese

I'd love to get reports of bad names from the alumni magazines on your coffee table!

Family

Sadly, being related to the Dada Drummer does not make one immune from bad baby name taste. I must report to you that the newest member of my extended family was born yesterday (yeah!) and given the unapproved name KHLOE (booo).

This is your blog. This is your blog on drugs.

The Drummer Land
September 12
3:00 am CST

For those readers of The Dada Drummer who are friends of DTB, I highly suggest you check this late night newsflash detailing her recent drug problem. It's up to you to decide whether you want to give her a compassionate hug or some merciless teasing when next you see the Wakeful One.

The Drummer plans to never let her live this down...but then again I'm bitchy like that!

The Dada Drummer has a BLOG CRUSH! Is that a BLUSH or a CROG?

Thanks to my style guru the Dolan Goddess, I am up at 1:30 am reading the most amazingly hilarious blog EV-ER. (I also have a head cold, a crappy cough, and took too much medication which may be another reason I'm up. Maybe.)

I have a major blog crush on funny, brilliant, hot BLOGGESS. Go check it out NOW!. But I must advise against eating or drinking while reading (choking hazard!). And I suggest you exercise great caution reading the blog while family members sleep (loud guffaw hazzard!).

TOTAL CREDIT for this discovery and my now much improved coolness goes to the amazing Dolan Goddess. Who is also funny and brilliant. And waayyyyy hot. FYI.

P.S. In reading the Bloggess I have discovered that she is snarky, darkly-comic, intelligent, likes to curse and works at a "faith-based institution." See! That eHarmony compatibility test DOES work!

Burgers are the Opium of the Masses

Man eats 23,000 Big Macs in 36 years

I don't even know where to begin.

I'll just share this. The Dada Drummer--who is immune from such petty mental distractions as conspiracy theory--has long been aware of the Global Plot to keep us fat and stupid so that we won't revolt. There is no other reasonable explanation for the existence of Dairy Queen, Pan Pizza, Coca-cola, and funnel cakes . And it goes without saying that the king daddy of proletariat fat is McD! This article therefore symbolizes not just the capitulation of a lone Wisconsonian (a word?) with OCD, but the serious threat to human freedom in every corner of God's earth.

"I enjoy them every day," said Gorske, 54. "I need two to fill me up."

God help you, my brother. You're a pawn in a system you'll never fully understand.

The ISSUE!

The Dada Drummer is not into partisan politics. "Red State!" "Blue State!" "Conservative!" "Liberal" These are completely meaningless labels. We can't pick our leaders based broad categorizations like that. No! The Dada Drummer votes on the ISSUES.

And there is really only ONE issue that matters. Stupid Baby Names. And, friends, I have an ISSUE with this Gov. Palin!

Track!? Bristol!? Willow!!? Piper!? Trig?! Are you effing kidding me?

If I were to invent a little collection of fictional stupid baby names to make mean-spiritied jokes about--these are the five names I would dream up. In fact, I think I DID dream up some stupid names like this! A few months back I tried--with little success--to circulate some invented stupid names on baby name message boards to see if I could get anyone to buy them as actual potential names. My fake stupid names were featured in a couple of old polls that I pulled out of the archive for you to see (look right!) .

Note the similarities??!!! Let's take a closer look.

Gov. Palin's Real Stupid Name: TRACK

DD's Fictional Stupid Name: TRUCKER

Gov. Palin's Real Stupid Name: BRISTOL
DD's Fictional Stupid Name: BILOXI

Gov. Palin's Real Stupid Name: WILLOW
DD's Fictional Stupid Name: OAHU

Gov. Palin's Real Stupid Name: PIPER
DD's Fictional Stupid Name: TINKER

Gov. Palin's Real Stupid Name: TRIG
DD's Fictional Stupid Name: ALGEBRA

It's shocking, right!! I just can't abide the idea of anyone with taste this crappy being a heart beat away from the presidency! I guess we all know what that means....I'm going to have to run myself. Who wants to be my running mate?

Oh, and by the way, I am not going to pick on the pregnant teenage daughter (she has enough problems with a name like Bristol). I agree with the level heads across the party spectrum who want to let the situation be private and not political. I wish the girl luck.

But so help me if she names that baby Nevaeh, Cadence, or Brooklynn I'm taking off the damn gloves!

New Millenium Virtue Names--RESULTS

Based on the results of our Dada Drummer polls, the next great New Millenium is


FIERCE PHELPS


It works for a boy or a girl. It sounds good with "Jones." It's completely stupid. Perfect! Spread the word. Let's get someone to name a baby this quickly so that I can be in People Magazine.

Watching Gustav Coverage on CNN

FYI the DD is NOT going to call him "AC".

From Special K: "Actually, I just call him '360'. He likes that."

Jay and Emm

The Social Security Administration posts lists of the most popular baby names according to registered births in the US. If you look at the top names for baby boys and girls every year for the last 100 years, you will see that there are a paltry seven initial letters TOTAL.

The winning letters are J, E, M, R, L, A, and D.

And I have to tell you that "A" and "D" barely made it on this list! The name Ashley was a first place girls name two of the last 100 years (1991 and 1992) while David was tops only ONCE (1960). That means we in the last 100 years of naming kids in this country, we as a people have overwhelming opted for the same FIVE starting sounds.

You're not really surprised though, are you? Think of all the J and M names you know, for example. The ubiquitous nature of J and M names have come to make them sound naturally friendly and somehow American. Not ust John and Mary, but also Jimmy and Margaret, Josh and Maddie. Current super-popular school age names include the dominant Jared and Madison. While Jaden and Michaela are on trendy preschool rosters around the country.

I even have a super friend with quadruplets who gave the two girls both M names and the two boys both J names (well, until one opted out and went with his other name!!).

My favorite J and M names? Let's see...

Jasper
&
Josie

Micah
&
Mabel

What about you?


If you're interested, here's the real list: M (ary and Michael), L (inda), J (essica and Jennifer and James and Jacob and John), A (shley), E (mily), R (obert), D (avid)

Favorite Olympic Name

USAIN BOLT

Have you met my baby, Ecclesiastes?

I get the whole idea of baby names from the Old Testament or Torah. I do. I get Abraham, Ruth, Isaac, Samuel, Moses, and Micah. I can even sort of understand Boaz, Obadiah, and Ketorah. But yesterday I saw someone named Genesis. Sorry. The Drummer can't go there. That's a band name at best. At worst its a herbal shop and goddess book store.

And before you even START trying to come up with more, people, here's a short list of forbidden Old Testament names:

Hagar
Leviticus
Methuselah
Enos
Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz
and II Chronicles

Got it? I hope we have closed this matter.

Virtue is a Virtue

The Dada Drummer has what the on-line naming message boards call a “GP”…a guilty pleasure. I love virtue names. Virtue names are popping up all around the Drummer’s world this summer. A new friend has a daughter called Felicity. There was a girl called Comfort on this season of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE. And one of The Boy’s tae kwon do classmates is named Patience (um, it’s a BOY).

More traditional examples of this style of name include: Charity, Chastity, Clemency, Comfort, Faith, Felicity, Grace, Honor, Hope, Joy, Patience, and Prudence. I would be happy to see any of these on a baby…except CHASTITY. Awesome virtue. Cruel name. The rest rock.

But I especially dig hardcore Puritan style virtue names like Abundance, Justice, Innocence, Mercy, Modesty, Purity, Resolve, Silence, Sincerity, Temperance, Truth, Verity, and Wisdom. Don’t get me wrong--I would make fun of someone who actually named a baby one of these names, but DAMN, I love the names anyway!!

Verging on hippy nature names are the totally groovy off-beat virtue name choices such as Blessing, Bliss, Charisma, Courage, Friend, Love, Peace, and Serenity. Pretty? Sure. But the Drummer can’t stomach such sweetness. Ick.

You know, I bet I could invent some amazing new millennium virtue names! Optimistically, I’d pick Green, Reader, and Athletic. Pessimistically (and that’s the Drummer all over) I would say that our 2008 virtue names are probably more like Wealthy and Famous.

I’ll let Elizabeth Taylor have the last word on this posting: “The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.”

"Offense to a Reasonable Person"

The Drummer's friend Director Whit sent me a story about New Zealand laws designed to prevent parents from giving baby names that would cause offense to a reasonable person. I am now running for Senate so that I can introduce similar legislation. Of course, I plan to give myself sole power for deciding what is reasonable.

Examples of offensive names that would become illegal under the Dada Drummer Non-Stupid Names Act (nicknamed "Nevaeh's Law") include:

Asher
Braden
Bree
Chandler
Clove
Jadan
Jaxxon
Lyric
Poet
Mace

What am I forgetting??

#18

Michelle Duggar is pregnant again. This makes baby #18.

Of course its none of my business, but I have to say I worry about this woman's health. How can this be OK? She's will have been pregnant 162 months by the time #18 is done. This family's dedication to enlarging their family makes me ask, "just because you CAN do something does that mean you SHOULD??" I really hope she is OK during this pregnancy and birth.

Again, it's really none of my business.

But here's what IS my business. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have made some drastic naming mistakes!

To me the most exciting thing about having so many kids would be the opportunity to think of names for them all!! So what did Jim Bob and Michelle do with this awesome opportunity? They decided early on to limit the naming palate to just "J" names. What!?!?!?! The results? Entirely too many "--iah" names for the boys (JOSIAH, JEDIDIAH, and JEREMIAH), both a JOY-ANNA and JOHANNAH (that's not confusing) , and the unfortunate spelling choice JINGER. Sigh. The Discovery channel has now made an online poll to help name baby #18 but there's only so much we can do with the options available.

Do you think the would consider letting me start over and rename the whole group? We could make a reality show out of the experience. Someone call TLC!!

If I were able to name 18 babies in one family, here's my brood:
Charlie, Graham, Theo, Miles, Owen, Henry, Leo, Malcolm, Peter
June, Charlotte, Ruby, Rosemary, Amelia, Zoe, Mary-Grace, Beatrice, Vivian

Now if I had to give my 18 precious darlings names that all start with same first letter--here's the roll call:
Samuel, Simon, Savion, Stewart, Salvatore, Stephen, Sullivan, Silas, Schuyler
Sophia, Seraphina, Shannon, Sadie, Susannah, Selah, , Stella, Silvia, & Sunday Rose (hee hee)

Whew! That was hard. Why did I pick "S"? Can you do better? Let's hear YOUR lists!!!

Watching the Olympics with Special K

During the Parade of Nations:

BOB COSTA: "...Micronesia, a nation of 17,000 islands...."

SPECIAL K: How many did he just say?

DADA DRUMMER: He said 17,000 islands.

SPECIAL K: Bullshit!

DADA DRUMMER: That's the most ridiculous thing you've every said.

SPECIAL K: Maybe so, but come on, what are they counting as an island?

And this, gentle readers, is the man who wants to teach geography to school children. God bless America!

New Notes on Baby Names, Episode 2

Today's Topic: Good Sibling Names

Instead of kvetching about really heinous baby name choices for siblings, I'm going to give examples of good, acceptable, and sometimes downright GENIUS sibling sets. Please note that all of these are taken from real life friends and acquaintances of the Drummer. If you see your sibling names here, you're welcome. If you don't, well, I'm sorry...again.

Drew and Clay (m,m)*

Grace and Clare (f,f)

Simon and Julia (m, f)

Henry and Gracie (m, f)

Elijah and Isaac (m, m)

Carter and Max (m, m)

Hope and Kate (f, f)


* I shouldn't have to indicate gender with this little parenthetical---but sadly I do.

If YOU have an example of good sibling set names from your real world, let's hear them. If you just can't RESIST sharing news of appalling sib set names...well...far be it from me to stop you from posting those as well!!

Vampire Stupid

Stupidest vampire teen fiction baby name in the history of vampire teen fiction: Renesmee.

For more on why I know this, see #4 in posting below: "Stupid Me"

Stupid Me

Bless me reader for I have sinned.

Here, in no particular order, is a short list of the stupidest things I currently do.

1. Watch AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

2. Forget to recycle

3. Play text twist on Facebook when I have e-mails to return

4. Read the occasional best-selling teen vampire novel

5. Worry about which pants make me butt look less big

6. Gossip

7. Wallow

8. Check out the "Entertainment" stories before the "Politics" stories on cnn.com

9. Eat foods containing high fructose corn syrup

10. Not be light and salt

Non-Stupid Heroes Series, Episode 1

It goes without saying that stupid people are the biggest obstacle we face to world peace, clean water, and losing those last 10 pounds. They totally suck.

I will always have lots to say about stupid people (and the names they give their babies) but I would also like to periodically offer you a glimpse at some of the most non-stupid people who have ever lived.

The first person on my list of non-stupid heroes is Fred Rogers. He loved books, music, and make-believe. He was courageously kind and deeply compassionate. Plus he wore a cardigan. Need more reasons to marvel at the wonderfulness of Saint Mr. Rogers? Read This.

**Note: This posting brought to you by the letters D, E, R, another E, and K. **

New Notes on Baby Names, episode 1

Nicole Kidman named the baby Sunday Rose. You know what? I actually like it. Surprised? Me, too.

Come back to the five and dime, Dada Drummer, Dada Drummer!

I've been on a blogging fast for the last seven weeks. It was part of an overall rejection of worldliness that my guru prescribed. She thought selling my possessions, renouncing technology, and eating raw food would all help cure me of my grouchiness and kvetching. I learned a lot. Here are my revelations:

1. Stupidity exists among the enlightened as well as the unenlightened.

2. Lack of protein makes the Dada Drummer more grumpy not less.

3. Without a blog to use for venting, the Dada Drummer picks mercilessly on the shorter monks.

4. Raw carrots give the Dada Drummer the hiccups.

5. Even "Welcoming ashrams for the spiritually seeking" have their limits.

So I left. And no matter what Sister Nirvana says on Larry King, I broke up with the ashram first! I promptly sold the rights to my story to We television (look for the exciting world premiere of LIFE AND TIMES OF A SUBURBAN BUDDHA during fall sweeps! Valerie Bertinelli is playing me!) and used the cash to buy some totally sweet new worldly possessions. Including the rockin' new PC from which I am blogging at this very moment.

In other words, dear drummers. I'm back.

How do you say "stupid name" in French?

I am going to be heading off for a three week drumming adventure in Europe tomorrow. I'll collect any stupid names I find abroad and report back to you all later in June.

Peace!

TV Names: An Afterschool Special

You may notice that the FABULOUS new New York City themed baby name poll to my right is missing four names that were suggested on an earlier blog posting. Those names were the totally awesome Carrie,Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte.

I left them off the poll because 1) the were not nearly ridiculous enough for a poll and 2) I wanted to initiate a conversation with you about TV names.

Some TV shows have given us awful names: Opie, Wally, Beaver, Marcia, Jan, Screech, Chrissy Snow. These are scars we may not recover from as a culture. I worry.

Any writer who names a character over twenty "Madison" or "Brayden" needs to be fired. Immediately.

Happily, some TV shows demonstrate taste and knowledge of appropriate naming trends for the character ages. The four urbane divas on "Sex and the City" are well-named and fashionable without sporting monikers that would NEVER be worn by women of their ages.

A few good shows have walked the fine line of using popular CLASSIC names for adult characters, thus achieving both plausibility and a trendy sound. Best example of this is probably "Will and Grace."

It goes without saying that soap opera names are a root cause of advancing evil in the world. Brick, Nash, Dante, Ridge, Thorn. 'Nuff said.

But I am going to go ahead and declare that the WORST name EVER to come out of a TV show and into reality is Chandler. On a quirky adult male character it had panache. On your baby (male or female) its an atrocity.

Other TV names you love or hate? Let's hear 'em.

New York State of Mind

As you know, I have recently issued yet one more ruling against the stupid baby name Brooklyn (in all its permutations). Well, a reader calling himself "Shallow End of the Gene Pool Guy" is protesting against the edict because he longs for some way to honor his beloved homeland of New York City in baby name form.

Though I am highly suspicious of all place names for babies, the Dada Drummer is nothing if not a gracious dictator. So I send a plea to you: please suggest some New York themed names that our fellow traveler might find useful as non-Brooklyn alternatives.

For example: Lincoln (as in Center!)

P.S. Before you even suggest them, these are totally off the table:
Tribeca
Soho
MOMA

Just FYI....

Having a baby girl? Congrats. But here are some basic rules you need to keep in mind...

Acceptable: Georgia
Unacceptable: Jorjah

Acceptable: Emily
Unacceptable: Imalee

Acceptable: Cassandra
Unacceptable: Kassidee

COMPLETELY OUT OF THE QUESTION:
Brenleigh
Brooklyn
Karmah
Rylee
Nevaeh

You're welcome.

Best Baby Name Site Ever. Period.

Go visit the totally brilliant Baby Name Bible site maintained by my naming heroes Pamela Redmond Satran and Linda Rosenkrantz. The "advice" section is awesome. Check out these great articles:

How Not to Name the Baby
Are We Ready for Aoife?
The Perrils of Neu Spellings

And play around with the cool "alternator" feature that gives you insight into names you might like based on what you think you already like!

Also, go ahead and report any baby names you have given (to real babies, people, not facebook fictional babies). The authors are always collecting new names and tracking trends. Why don't I have this job???

GUILTY PLEASURES

I would like to report that the Dada Drummer has no guilty pleasures, really I would. Unfotunately, I already outed myself a couple of weeks ago with the posting about that post-Dancing With The Stars conversation with Special K. Sigh.

So there is nothing keeping me now from confessing that I keep one or two guilty pleasure names in my back pocket. These are names that I would never saddle a kid with but nevertheless secretly love.

I will confess a couple of my GP names in the comments section to this post. In return for my candor, I expect you to admit yours as well. I highly recommend that you post anonymously!

Let's keep the mocking down to a minimum people.

Beyond Beyond

This may come as no surprise, but the Dada Drummer loves smart opinionated people. Yes, that includes you there. If you interact with the Drummer in real life and feel a warm sense of being loved in that relationship, then you can rest assured that you have been found non-stupid. Congrats.

I bring this up not to make you feel good (though that is an acceptable by-product) but because I want to talk about the non-stupid baby name book authors Linda Rosenkrantz and Pamela Redmond Satran. I love their many books. I sometimes don't share their opinions--and I get impatient with their tolerance of some tryndeeness!--but I always find them to be interesting. And sassy. The Drummer loves sass.

My favorite of their baby name books is Baby Names Now which has pithy essays on dozens of great (and not so great) names.

But the book that got me hooked was Beyond Jennifer and Jason. Now in newer edition, the book carries the title Beyond Jennifer and Jason, Madison and Montana.

I have gotten a kick over the years at Rosenkrantz and Satran's spin off "Beyond" books which include Beyond Shannon and Sean: An Enlightened Guide to Irish Baby Names, Beyond Sarah and Sam: An Enlightened Guide to Jewish Baby Names, and Beyond Charles and Diana: An Anglophile's Guide to Baby Names (that one's for you Leila!).

So I thought we could have a little fun inventing our own baby name guide book titles in the style of the "Beyond" books. What books do you think ought to be out there? What books do you think some idiots might be consulting for their stupid choices? What books do you fear actually exist! For example:

Beyond Braden and Jaden, Caden and Haden: New Rhymes for the New Age!

Beyond Austin and Dallas: An Enlightened Guide to Naming your Texan

Beyond Ebony and Violet: Color Names Now!

Let's hear yours!

Nectar Cream

The Dada Drummer has a friend named Big Brother. He lives in New Orleans, is married to an amazing Creole goddess, collects books and movie soundtracks, and eats very good food. He made this:

I love my friends.

Meet my friend Leila the Beer-Drinkin' Christian. She's the mother of quadruplets plus one more. A military wife. A hottie. A smartass. And she's a competitive Irish Dancer. She has all the little outfits and goes around winning blue ribbons. She even teaches Irish Dancing.

Now meet my friend Dan the Theatre-Directin' Christian. He's the father of two. An improv comedy performer. A graduate student. A smartass. And he sprained his ankle doing fakey Irish Dancing. In his living room. To amuse his wife's friends. He is now sporting an enourmous blue bruise and two crutches.

So, I'm trying to figure out if they are like two sides of the same coin or if we're looking at a matter vs. anti-matter paradigm here. I mean, if I put Leila and Dan in the same room, do you think it would cause a rupture in the space-time continuum? Would they cancel each other out? Would it liberate us from the Matrix? Any physicists out there should feel free to chime in with relevant theories!

"Chatter with Special K"

• Place: An American living room.
  Time: Now
  The TV is on. "Dancing with the Stars" has just gone to commercial.
  
  SPECIAL K: Wow. That was a great pasodoble!
  
  DADA DRUMMER: I guess.
  
  SPECIAL K: Come on. He's good.
  
  DADA DRUMMER: The jackass was wearing a rosary around his neck.
  
  SPECIAL K: It's a prop.
  
  DADA DRUMMER: Well, it's not a necklace.
  
  SPECIAL K: Then why is it shaped like one?
  
  DADA DRUMMER: It's shaped like a circle. Like God.
  
  SPECIAL K: Crap!! I thought God was a triangle.
  
  DADA DRUMMER: God is a triangle inscribed within a circle.
  
  SPECIAL K: That Russian dancer is freaking hot.
  
  [Black out]

Tryndee Nayme Game: Webster's Edition

Greetings, Drummer Nation!

There has been a hiatus from Dada Drummer briefly whilst I frolicked in golden fields and ate figs fed to me by elfin handmaids. This is what happens when you get tenure—who knew?

But I’m back. And I’m ticked off about names I’ve seen on the back of local car windows. You know, the ones over icons of soccer balls, soft ball, limber gymnast silhouettes, and/or pom-poms. The thing that’s really pissing me off is the spelling choices. When did we decide as a nation that it was OK to insert irrelevant H’s, Y’s, and any manner of vowels in perfectly well-spelled given names?

Khaytlynn

Brahndyn

Emmaleighanna

We don’t do this to other nouns. Imagine…

bhayguls and kreyme xees

paypher and pynsyls

But if this is where America is headed, I think you and I need to lead the way. Goodness knows you’re smarter than the cre8tiv namers out there fouling up kindergarten rosters with there inventions. So your Tryndee Nayme Game for the week is to generate the most inventive spelling for a standard English first name.

Sic ‘Em Drummers.

Two Things Making the Drummer Happy

A short list of recently-discovered blogs that make the Dada Drummer happy:

Bad Baby Names Blog
This is great. And I don't just say this because she agrees with my taste--though that is a sign of good triumphing over evil in the universe and therefore a general cause for celebration.

Dolan Goddess
The author of this blog is 1) gorgeous, 2) the mother of quads + a new baby, 3) an irish dancer, 4) a friend of Jesus, and 5) a beer drinker. I love her to bits for all of these things.

Around the Cape of GOOD HOPE!

You may recall that some months back I reported here at Dada Headquarters about my departure for Tenureland. I am very relieved to report to you that I made landfall on those happy shores at 8:15 this morning.

Many thanks to all who were lighting candles in prayer for a safe voyage. It worked!

Tryndee Nayme Gayme-NEVAEH edition

If you are not already aware of this fad, let the Dada Drummer be the first to alert you to the popularity of novelty name NEVAEH for baby girls in the United States. The name has moved from non-existence to obscurity to trendiness in a matter of about 36 months.

But why is it a novelty name? Because it's HEAVEN spelled backwards. Sigh.

Like any fad--or plague--this is sure to spread. So let's ride the front of the wave, drummers!!

Your challenge this week is to backwards spell any word in order to invent an original tryndee nayme. The winning names will be those that most please the expectant Mom and Dad.

Let me introduce you! Nora and Aron Setates are from central Ohio. Their interests include television, John Grisham novels, Appelbees, and outlet malls. Aron is a regional manager in the copier industry. Nora left her job as a bank teller to stay at home with their first born who is named, you guessed it, Nevaeh.

FOODIES Favorites!

You rocked the house on last week's name game! The Foodie Mom and Dad have reported to me their front runners(boy and girl):

Bleu Fromage-Hommage

Picón Cabrales

Petitepois Cornichon Escoffier

Bain-Marie

When the little yummy darling arrives, you call expect to receive FABULOUS muffin baskets!

On Domino's, BROOKLYN, and other evils.....

And the number one sign that we've given up as a culture....



FYI: The Dada Drummer will buy you some nice chinese take out NOT to name your baby Brooklyn!

Canadians have bad taste, too!

Just so you don’t think that I only want to pick on U.S. Parents with terrible baby naming skills, here’s some evidence of moniker madness North of the border.

6,440 girl names and 5,134 boy names were bestowed in Alberta in 2007. Here are a few of the more unusual ones:

Girl Names
Aruba, Aunesty
Butterfly
Chaos, Charlemagne, Coltanna
DaKayDa
Eckoe, Ellexis, Emma-Star-Ulaniq
God’s
Halo
Jedhi, Jurnee
Kalifornia
Legacy, Lexxannah
Manning, Million, Morningstar
Nigma
Poet
Raynebow-Roze, RocRock
Saturday
Thistle, Tutu
Wes-Leigh, Whisper
Xyrhl
Zamber, Zamzam

Boy Names
Ambiious, Atlas
Bienvenito, Blue-Quill, Bluesky
Chancellor, Courage, Cowboy
Elilei, Ewuak
Felony, Frandon, Furious
Gix
Hush, Husky
Izic, Jackpine
Keeper
Little, Loyal
Manchester, Midnite, Milwaukee
Obsidian-Angel
Preetinder
Rainbow, Ripkin, Ryott
Slim, SyliceVirgil
Utah
Wrigley
Xnox
Zedric, Zero

The Dada Drummer feels a bit dizzy from this list. But I do have a few questions....

Do you think Jedhi and Ewauk are siblings? What about Manning and Ripkin?
How will babies Aunesty and Ambiious every learn to spell?
Can God's give self-esteem guidance to little Zero?
I guess I know how you decorate a nursery for baby Tutu, but what does baby Felony's room look like?

And this just in for the parents of Emma-Star-Ulaniq and Obsidian-Angel! The hypen called and it's PISSED!

Tryndee Nayme Gayme---GOURMAND EDITION

The Dada Drummer is both fascinated and horrified by California Goddess Laurie's suggestion of Bologna and Dijon as place names. In my dreamy brain these names blended with California Goddess Shannon's name origins at an A&W drive-in to create a VISION for this week's game.

Mom and Dada are sophisticated American foodies expecting their first (and probably only) child. Mom's hobbies include collecting signed celebrity cookbooks and attending specialty cheese-tasting shows (she's grumpy about being off blue and soft-ripened cheeses during the pregnancy!). Dad is an artisan jam maker whose clients include Giada, Rachel, Martha, and Ida. They are in need of the most deliciously original food themed name you can invent!

Bon Appetite!

TRYNDEE NAYME GAME--Puppy results

There were some outstanding and outrageous Tryndee Puppee Naymes last week! I've heard that decided to just call the pup Max.

Oh, well.

Fantasy!

It may surprise you that the Dada Drummer has any unfulfilled fantasies. After all, what on Earth can be more satisfying than publically ranting about stupid baby names and bad movies? The Drummer may seem to be the object of envy to many, and yet I harbor secret fantasies.

Oh, how I wish I were a wicked smart gay man! Fashion-forward-fabulous! Invited to cool NY Fashion week shows! Pals with Saint Tim of the Gunn! In other words, in the deepest desires of my heart, I long to be one of the Project Rungay boys. Sigh.

Project Rungay is a necessity for all those who, like the Drummer, are endlessly delighted by the likes of Jay, Santino, Chloe, and that crazy tatooed guy from last season. My favorite this year is Big Gay Chris. I hope he wins it all. http://projectrungay.blogspot.com/

The Project Rungay boys also have a personal blog which seems to mostly be devoted to pointing out fabulousness in old MGM movies. The Dada Drummer puts a stamp of approval on THAT!
http://tomandlorenzo.blogspot.com/

Increase your own personal fabulosity today by check out either of their seriously marvelous blogs...kittens!

A DOZEN STUPID MOVIES...just in case you were wondering

Outbreak
Armageddon
Stepmom
Red Dawn
Hook
Tank
Pretty Woman
Patch Adams
Ghost
Pearl Harbor
Titanic
The Day After Tomorrow

Place Names as First Names

I have been thinking a lot lately about place names given as baby names. The choice is old. After all, Florence and Virginia are not new additions to the naming circuit. But in recent weeks I have heard of the arrival of both a baby "Canada" and a baby "Kansas". Trendeeeee baby naming sites abound with inventive--and increasingly popular--place names. Consider the 90s trends of Dakota, Sierra, and Montana. The last couple of years have seen a spike in off-beat choices like Brooklyn, Boston, and Indiana. And of course entertainment abounds with examples of this style: Paris, London, Ireland, China, India.

I am trying hard here people (see below for more on the Drummer's Lenten promise to tell people they're stupid a little less often) but I can't like these. Not a one. Not at all.

Are there any place names out there that you loyal drummers can think of which are NOT stupid? Send them in! And I don't mean "technically" place names. Sophia may also be a place, but it is not in the category of "place name" and you know it.

While I await your feedback, I'll go for the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" approach and start picking a really awful place name to circulate on the baby name discussion boards. Use the poll here at Dada Drummer Headquarters to help me out!

Tryndee Nayme Gayme--PUPPY Edition

Have you heard?? UNO the Beagle won Best in Show at Westminster Kennel Club! He beat out the winningnest dog in the US, a poodle named VIKKI. It was quite a shocker!

But what if, after the show, Uno and Vikki met up to share a water bowl and bury the hatchet? And what if that tete-a-tete blossomed into something more...like a litter of seven bouncing pups!!

And what if the Dada Drummer let you NAME A PUPPY!

Mom is the Toy Poodle VIKKI (Smash JP Win a Victory) and Dad is the champion Beagle UNO (K-Run's Park Me In First).

THIS WEEK'S RULES: Use the letters of each parent's fancy registered name (in parenthesis) to give the puppy a new fancy registered name and a new CALL NAME.

And since it's a big litter, feel free to name a few of the pups!! Have fun!

Last Week's Baby Name Gayme WINNER

First of all--sorry tydwbleach--but if any contestant on PR is a likely candidate to be the love child of Heidi and Tim, it’s Christian. Sweet P might be the nanny, but that’s it.

Now for the winners:
3. Hildi Nu-Kim Nutmeg
2. MidHug Klimt Ennui
1. "King" Denim Muhlitu

You're Either IN or Your're OUT!

I have four words for you: BEST. REALITY. SHOW. EVER. That's right!! It's the Tryndee Nayme Boggle Factor Gayme PROJECT RUNWAY Edition!

Your challenge this week is name the fashion-forward glamour baby of HEIDI KLUM and TIM GUNN. You must use all the letters in their names to generate the fierce new moniker for their tiny little style icon.

Entries will be acceped from tonight until next Wednesday.

Make It Work, Designers!

Last Week's Baby Name Gayme WINNER

You had some CRAZY good entries this week, readers! And considering that you were working with two names that didn't have a single freakin' "E" between them, well, I really couldn't be any prouder!

But in this season of political theatre, there was one clear winner. Kudos to one of my two favorite California goddesses...

Lorry Cohabit Banana MacKill.
"Today, I tearfully acknowledge my use of a PEP -- performance- enhancing program. In suspending my campaign, I urge all of you to continue to fight for the right to engage in offspring naming abuse. Can we do it? Yes, we can!In closing my friends, let my mistake serve as a cautionary tale. Always remember that your children, too, could end up named for a 16-wheeled, vaguely disreputable piece of presumably Scottish fruit if you engage in such behavior. God bless America!"

Don't You Like Anything?

The Dada Drummer has been accused of being overly grouchy about creative trends in contemporary baby naming. Well, duh.

But the Dada Drummer has made a Lenten promise to be less curmudgeonly and is thus publishing a list of names that carry the DD seal of approval. Look to the right of the screen and you'll notice an alphabetical sampling of names the Drummer actually likes.

There, are you happy?

(p.s. I'd love to hear your responses to the list. I would also welcome your own A-Z of good names.)

Tryndee Nayme "Boggle Factor" Gayme: The Political Edition

Wake the kids! It's time for this week's installment of the Dada Drummer's New and Improved Winter/Spring 2008 Tryndee Nayme "Boggle Factor" Gayme 2.0!!!!

The Set Up:
When a freak CNN live-feed satellite truck accidently claims the lives of Bill Clinton and Michelle Obama, Hillary and Barack turn to each other for emotional support. What starts as friendship ends in romance and eventually produces a love child prophesied to be the One to unite the Democrats. Name That Baby!

(Rules of the Game: You must use all the letters in the names Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to generate a new, and preferable tryndee, name for their tiny presidential hopeful. Entries will be accepted for one week.)

Rockin' Bogglin'!

You people rock.

While I suspect iplawguy is correct that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo probably couldn't imagine anything wittier than TONY SIMPSON ROMO, there were still some AMAZING entries in the New and Improved Winter/Spring 2008 Tryndee Nayme "Boggle Factor" Gayme 2.0!!!

In fact, I'd like to give a few shout outs...


Buck (SPORT-JOY MESSIANIC MOONS) and Clay (SOSSA OMNISCIENT JOY ROMP) get props for excellent use of real words in their naming. I choose to believe they wrote these entries because of their awareness of noun-based baby naming trends (ask me about the recent babies I know of named Fox, Canada, Story, and Kansas) rather than thinking that these find gamers used on-line descrambling sites to play!

My hat is off to Carver's JIMMY "NOISES" TACO SPONSOR. This name has it all. Believability, a kicky hip hop nickname, and a suggested profession. Plus its stupid. Excellent!

I enjoyed the Meatball's JASPER SOSIMION McSNOOTY because it's fun to imagine the happy parents inventing their own new last name by combing their favorite restaurant and their strongest character trait. Good one.

But my favorite entry has got to be the offering from California goddess Shannon. TESSIMY JONICAS ROMO SPON is an all around big winner for me not only because Tissimy could pass for an actual stupid name, but also because the word play on "spawn" makes me giggle.

Many thanks to all who played this week. Your new nayme gayme will be posted later today. Tell your friends!

Tryndee Nayme Wednesday....with a Twist!

I know you Tryndee Nayme Wednesday Fans have been on pins and needles, waiting for the return of the most annoying game on the blogosphere. But we at Dada Headquarters commissioned a Dada Think Tank to investigate issues in Tryndee Nayme Gaming and the group, frankly, met longer than expected. I should never have set them up in Stockholm. Live and Learn.

The New and Improved Winter/Spring 2008 Tryndee Nayme Gayme 2.0 features a kicky new name and a new degree of creative difficulty. We at Dada Universe, Inc. like to call it the "Boggle Factor". I'll give you the parents names and description (if they aren't already well known) and your job is to rearrange the letters of their names to create something both Tyrndee & Gnew.

Rules:
1) You have to use all the letters in both parents names
2) You can't add new letters
3) New Name can have as many parts as you like

Ready? OK!
**************************
Tryndee Gnew Boggle Factor Nayme Gayme, January 23

Use all the letters in their names to generate an original moniker for the love child of Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo.

Entries will be accepted from today until the new game is posted next Wednesday.

Calling the Dada Drummer! Can you Hear Me!

Greetings Friends and World Travelers!

I have heard you calls in the night--where is the Dada Drummer?? Well, it's a long story. And I'm under a court order not to disclose the details on about 97% of it. Here's what I can say: Secret Service guys have no sense of humor at all. Zilch. If they unseal the records, I'll be able to tell you why one day. Suffice it to say this story was not covered on CNN.com or Fox News. But I had a break from the normal routine. Somewhere warm, it seemed. Hard to tell with no windows.

The good news is that I'm back now. And can legally blog again.

The bad news is that my houseplants are all dead, my passport has been confiscated, and I have to wear this awkward monitering device.

Live and learn!